Matters of the Heart

[ThomasB]

Thomas here to complain about young people stuff...

I recently got myself a girlfriend, which is a rare thing for me, but I figured "Why not?"

I very soon remembered "why not". I'm tired all the time. Before, with my friends, I never felt obligated to necessarily go out and do things, but now, with her, I do. And, of course, I want to go out, but I just so often don't have the energy for it. I'm supposed to go to a dance with her on Saturday and while I'd love it if I were able to go and enjoy myself I know that probably won't happen. It's one thing to do out-- it's a totally different thing to go out and dance.

I wish I wasn't always so tired. I really must seem like the most boring person imaginable. Sure she's always napping but when she wants to go out and do something she has the energy to do it, and she won't think twice about it.

I'm having trouble just finding the energy to do my work or not fall asleep while reading let alone actually have fun.

I have a feeling that I'm not cut out for relationships, or at least not relationships that require real commitment-- I just don't know how much energy I'll have each day. I used to hide from the world when I didn't have the energy before, but that's difficult now that I'm supposed to be around as the boyfriend.

I want it to work out though, because there's nothing worse than being tired AND lonely.

[shirleymahoney]

Thomas

It is very boring to stay in and do nothing, you are young please go out and enjoy yourself , think positive who knows you may have fun and in turn it will be a good memory for you. If she knows you have a heart condition she will not mind if you have to sit down and rest, hope you have some fun

Shirley

[Pam Alexson]

Thomas ,

I hope some young people like you have some advise as we oldies have a different spin on things. I understand and it IS very difficult to participate in activities that your peers find a BREEZE. A nap for them makes a big difference and a nap for you may not equivalate to the same restoration of energy or desire to go out and party. Don't give up on relationships, you can save that for when and if you are old and alone. In time YOU will find someone who , once they meet you and enjoy YOU they will not be put off by the medical challenges you have and the differences between you and them.

This heart disease does force us to become a bit focused on what is best for us individually. I strongly recommend ( coming from someone who has always pleased others before herself, before being diagnosed) to always remember and follow your needs first and be safe. Try very hard to strike a balance and give what you can and adjust as is best and what fits. Another words , a shorter time at the dance and maybe a few dances vs ALL the dances at that event, may satisfy your partner and find you able to enjoy yourself and she will too! If she does not understand and balks at this and expects more then you can deliver, then SHE may not be the right one. But it is all good because you are learning about relationships and practice leads us to be better and better at everything. So do not give up just be creative and keep trying , it will be better then giving up on relationships altogether at such a young age.

Let us know how it goes.

Pam

[Lisa Salberg]

I will add a little to the thoughts above. Thomas you must communicate with those in your life that you care about it is the best way to make sure they understand WHY you do what you do. If she sees you sitting down at a dance or looking disinterested she may get the wrong message. Tell her that you can only do so much and when you are there - BE THERE in mind body and spirit. When you are tired let her know and offer her options without strings. If she wants to stay at the event with friends do not take it personally, if she wants to leave with you that is fine too. You have to give her the same respect you want to get and understand that she does not have a heart problem but you do.
Do not give up on a relationship it is worth the fight - but be open and honest every step of the way.

Good luck!
Lisa

[ThomasB]

Well, just thought I would let everyone know that I went to my dance last night and it went really well. My girlfriend actually got tired before I did. I probably danced far too much and I'm pretty exhausted, but you've only got one life to live, right?

So....maybe I'll do that kind of thing again sometime.

[Largehearted]

Hey Thomas.

Good for you. Don't over do it, but I am very happy you had a good time!

Leon

[Reenie]

I'm very glad you had such a good time! :)

Reenie

[everlastingbaby]

I am 20 and I am always a little tired. sometimes its hard for me to just go and spend time with friends, however pretty much all of my friends know I have HCM and they all understand that I can't always be running around goofing off. when I am hanging out with my friends we spend lots of time just sitting around listening to music and watching tv and having fun at one of their houses. but when we do go out they always make sure that if I need to stop and take a break we stop and I sit down. I have a boyfriend who likes going to concerts, I always get too hot and tired at concerts. well we went to a concert like a month ago together and when it started getting hot and crazy, it was a rock concert, he got me away from the crowds I could still hear and see the band but it wasn't as crazy and I then enjoyed the concert more. he understands that there are things I can't do things I can do and things that if I do I need to becareful. there are days I don't do anything because I am just too tired though.

So I just want to let you know that your not alone.

[purple_ness1]

Heya

just take a party pill to keep you away and your be fine
dont worry i was only joking
im 18 and always get tried so easly, but i love to go out i userly just keep going intill i crash but thats proble not the best abvice to give
go out your 2 young to stop going out, but just take it easy once people know you have hcm they will understand and give you a break and even if they dont they will act like they do
hope all goes well

*margi*