helloo all

[emopunkcore]

my names chris. i live in new jersey. i was diagnosed with hcm at 18 (really at the age of 9, but they said i'd grow out of it) after passing out, after that started meds, and heavy heart monitoring. heart monitoring found out that my heart skipped 4 beats in a row one night. two weeks after that i was in the hospital with an icd/pacemaker being implanted.

now i'm here two years later. still have the pacemaker. i don't like it. not in the least. and now is the time when i start to not like it the most. everyone gives me a story how it's not noticable, and how i shouldn't let other people staring affect me. but to tell you the truth, when people stare at you, and not in a good way, you can't help but let it affect you, especially being that i'm the one is resentful of it. and i just hear the same thing over and over. but i won't change my thoughts on it regardless of what anyone says to me. stubborn..i know. but it's not normal, and i'm still not ok with it. other people are, but i'm not.

in the summer months i am a hermit. i sit home. i don't goto the beach, or swim anymore. if i do wind up going down the shore i sit in the hotel, or walk aimlessly with my shirt ON. on a brighter side i have gotten some tattoos that do draw some of the attention away from the pacemaker that is protruding from my chest. what makes it worse is that i am really skinny. i am alittle over 6 feet tall, and weight a mere 155 pounds. all attempts to gain weight have been futile.

the fall and winter months i tend to come out of my shell. i love to travel. i have been to europe once, and will be going back whenever i get the chance. snowboarding intrigues me. i also like to work on cars, computers, and electronics.

my main escape is playing guitar, and listening to music...i love animals too.. i have 2 cats. from what i hear cats are a good source of keeping your blood pressure down, and relieve stress. a dog, a bearded dragon, a rabbit, and a hamster.

[Reenie]

Hi Chris. It's great to learn a little more about you. I have 2 doggies myself. They're labrador puppies. I believe they do help destress me. I'm sorry you hate the ICD so much. Just remember its purpose. I hope to hear more from you. Oh, and since you live in NJ, are you coming to the meeting in June?

Reenie

[emopunkcore]

it is to my best knowledge that the love, and affection given by an animal is unconditional. i love animals, they've always been a huge part of my life. i have many animals, but my cat is probably stress reliever. she is usually the one to climb up onto my lap when i'm having a bad day.

i hopefully will be attending the meeting. my birthday is in june. i'm going to be going back to school hopefully sooner, so as long it doesn't conflict with my schedule, i would love to go, and meet some people, mainly my age. i will be looking foward to the advice, and experiences i hear from everbody, but it's always nice to hear from people who are at the same point(s) as you.

[Lisa Salberg]

Chris,
First of all - help me here - what is a bearded dragon??

OK - I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be just fine and to simply - 'get on with it' - but the reality is we have a serious condition and it has real effects on our lives. We each travel our own path at our own speed and in our own time. You and your scar will become "friends" at some point - I know it sounds strange - but it is true. I went though the same thing myself - I was 23 when I got my first device and I would not cut my hair because it covered the scar, I would buy cloths that covered the scar, I stayed away from pools and bathing suits -THEN.. One day I thought... (OK sorry folks but I am a Jersey girl myself) JUST F*%@ IT! I could care less if someone else has a problem with it! I am really tired of living in fear of my scar and what people think and I want to live my life again! I cut my hair and bought a v neck shirt and held my head up high. That is when the really strange thing happened - NOBODY seemed to notice, mention or even comment about my scar. The issue had not be them - it had been MY issue.

Now like I said we are all different and have different ways of dealing with these issues. I am not a tatoo person - you are - as are others here - If you seek the approval of others for the style of your tatoo doesnt that take away from the concept of being individual - being different? Your scar is part of who you are - it is NOT who you are.

Be yourself.

Lots of love,
Lisa

[emopunkcore]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v628/heartxshapedbox/reggie.jpg

this is my bearded dragon. he's a reptile, and look pretty scary, but he's a big lush. he's really docile, and sleeps most of the time.


i know one day i'll get sick of it, because i miss swimming, and the summer. being born and raised in jersey i'm accoustom to beaches, oceans, and pools. i guess it's all a matter of time.

[amyshields]

Chris, I wanted to say "Hi" :) I love the pic of your dragon ... my kids would love one of those but I know who would end up taking care of it!

In all honesty, I don't have good advice for dealing with your scar. I think Lisa was able to put it best. I'm just not in that place yet myself. I don't have a pacemaker or ICD but the doctors have cautioned me that I will ... someday. Instead I have a lovely scar that runs straight down my middle because of my myectomy. I HATE the looks I get and the ocassional comment is worse. Most people just assume I had bypass surgery - grr!

I take it day by day. Even on the worst days, I know I am here for a purpose. Sometimes I cling to that like I would a lifeboat. Nothing is for certain ... in the words of Tom Petty, "take it as it comes 'cause you can't stay long". Life is a gift ... sometimes our gift gets beaten up along the way ;)

[scottonbike]

Hi

Since this has become a little bit of a scar thing I have gone the other way. I am DAMN proud of my scar and am happy to show it off. I get a lot of looks while I am in the swimming pool and everybody wonders how such a young man (43) ended up with a heart attack and bypass surgery. I just take it as an opportunity to explain what HOCM and how the myectomy has been such a good thing for me.

I have seen other people who have the same scar that had surgery years ago. If I did not know what I was looking at I would never know they had surgery.

Scott

[tyreke28]

Hello,
Well I have to agree with Scott my scars from my ICD and Myectomy do not stop me from swimming. As a matter of fact I swim every day Monday through Friday for an hour and a half a day as self prescribed therapy. Getting back in the pool has decreased my depression. I also have not let the scars dictate the clothes that I wear. This past week I have had at least 6 children in my son's school ask me about my scars and I explain that the one is for a small machine that help my heart beat correctly and will save my life if my heart stops and the other is because I had to have my heart fixed. The only question that they ask from there is if it still hurts, and most days it does not. Adults on the other hand are strange creatures they do not ask what the scars are they just stare. I figure at 31 years old I have too long long of a life ahead of me to stay locked up in my house miserable. I just have to do some things more cautiously that most 31 year olds.
If you truely love to swim you can do it in moderation and just think with your ICD you have a greater chance of surviving to still be swimming when you are 65.

Peace,